I can't believe my first semester back to school is already over!!! I must say, a lot of changes have happened even since last August.
I made the decision last month to go completely vegetarian and am now flirting with the idea of Veganism. Now, my family kind of thinks I am crazy, but what's new? I read the book Eating Animals by Jonathon Safran Foer (my favorite author) and watched the film Food Inc. (finally!) and really started to decide that food is an important part of life and it is also important that even the food we choose to eat needs to align with our core values. Anyway, here I am...have not eaten meat in over a month! Woohoo!!!
Practicing jazz really started to come together on the keys...it was like one day the light shown through and as a matter of fact, I am getting ready to go transcribe some Bobby Timmons on My Funny Valentine as soon as I finish typing this blog.
Also, I am dating a wonderful individual that is growing in and loving life everyday. Finally, opening up in a real way, not just in the way that you tell all of the obvious truths in life...What more could a girl ask for!?
Anyway, practice is calling!
Peace and Love
Emily
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
a quote from my favorite book
Do not say that I'll depart tomorrow
because even today I still arrive.
Look deeply: I arrive in every second
to be a bud on a spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with wings still fragile,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.
I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
in order to fear and to hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and
death of all that are alive.
I am the magfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river,
and I am the bird which, when spring comes, arrives in time
to eat the magfly.
I am the frog swimming happily in the clear pond,
and I am also the grass-snake who, approaching in silence,
feeds itself on the frog.
I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks,
and I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to Uganda.
I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate,
and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.
I am a member of the politburo, with plenty of power in my hands,
and I am the man who was to pay his "debt of blood" to my people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.
My joy is like spring, so warm it makes flowers bloom in all walks of life.
My pain is like a river of tears, so full it fills the four oceans.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart can be left open,
the door of compassion.
-Thick Nhat Hanh in Peace is Every Step
because even today I still arrive.
Look deeply: I arrive in every second
to be a bud on a spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with wings still fragile,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.
I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
in order to fear and to hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and
death of all that are alive.
I am the magfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river,
and I am the bird which, when spring comes, arrives in time
to eat the magfly.
I am the frog swimming happily in the clear pond,
and I am also the grass-snake who, approaching in silence,
feeds itself on the frog.
I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks,
and I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to Uganda.
I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate,
and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.
I am a member of the politburo, with plenty of power in my hands,
and I am the man who was to pay his "debt of blood" to my people,
dying slowly in a forced labor camp.
My joy is like spring, so warm it makes flowers bloom in all walks of life.
My pain is like a river of tears, so full it fills the four oceans.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart can be left open,
the door of compassion.
-Thick Nhat Hanh in Peace is Every Step
correction
I had a friend tell me that I needed to correct "hypocrite" from the last blog. She said that I am not a hypocrite, but she was taking it on a serious note. My little brother was just referring to when I poke him in the face or throw a peanut at his head...hahaha!
just to clarify
just to clarify
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
life is funny
I finished my summer class last night. There were three tests total and the final test we were able to use our notes and books. Incredible!
My little brother got into an argument with someone the other day. When I was talking to him about it to try and make him feel a little better, I asked him what was wrong with me to make him feel more comfortable talking about what he did wrong.
Here is what he said:
"You are full of yourself and you're a hypocrite." "You do things to others that you would not want done to you." -he was referring to the times when I throw things and they accidentally hit him in the face.
Naturally, this made me think. I do bring myself up in a lot of conversations. It is not that I am consciously doing it, it just happens, so to break this habit, I am going to have to consciously think about it for a while until it becomes subconscious. Then I can work on the hypocrite thing because that is a much more difficult thing to deal with. Of course, maybe that will just come with everything else. If I start thinking a little more before I act then maybe I wouldn't do some of the things I do. Anyway...
I must say that I am a very fortunate person to have the family that I do. We are getting ready to go on a vacation/family reunion and it is going to be crazy! I have been going through a lot of crazy things in the last few weeks and to experience some of that with my family around me will be very interesting. The really cool thing is that all of my brothers, their wives and my brother Ben's baby will all be able to go! It's like Christmas in the summer...haha
My little brother got into an argument with someone the other day. When I was talking to him about it to try and make him feel a little better, I asked him what was wrong with me to make him feel more comfortable talking about what he did wrong.
Here is what he said:
"You are full of yourself and you're a hypocrite." "You do things to others that you would not want done to you." -he was referring to the times when I throw things and they accidentally hit him in the face.
Naturally, this made me think. I do bring myself up in a lot of conversations. It is not that I am consciously doing it, it just happens, so to break this habit, I am going to have to consciously think about it for a while until it becomes subconscious. Then I can work on the hypocrite thing because that is a much more difficult thing to deal with. Of course, maybe that will just come with everything else. If I start thinking a little more before I act then maybe I wouldn't do some of the things I do. Anyway...
I must say that I am a very fortunate person to have the family that I do. We are getting ready to go on a vacation/family reunion and it is going to be crazy! I have been going through a lot of crazy things in the last few weeks and to experience some of that with my family around me will be very interesting. The really cool thing is that all of my brothers, their wives and my brother Ben's baby will all be able to go! It's like Christmas in the summer...haha
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Running in the Rain
*Picture taken from late May '09 after a run...in my parents' driveway...Willy and I are buddiesThis morning I was supposed to go running with a group on the West side of Wichita; however it was just pouring rain.
So, I am at my house, listening to music and cleaning and decide to open my door and watch the rain with my dog...mainly because I was trying to get him to go out to use the restroom. He was not having it.
Anyway, I just have this feeling that I am supposed to be outside, so I go running anyway. Right before I stepped out the door, it started pouring even harder! Then, the more I kept running, the lighter the rain became. It was amazing...simply amazing.
Now it is absolutely pouring and I wish I was back outside!
So, I am at my house, listening to music and cleaning and decide to open my door and watch the rain with my dog...mainly because I was trying to get him to go out to use the restroom. He was not having it.
Anyway, I just have this feeling that I am supposed to be outside, so I go running anyway. Right before I stepped out the door, it started pouring even harder! Then, the more I kept running, the lighter the rain became. It was amazing...simply amazing.
Now it is absolutely pouring and I wish I was back outside!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Running
So, I made this commitment to run a half marathon in August--I meant it, but it did take a little bit of pushing to get me started. Finally, I am on a good track.
For Miss Kansas, I have an executive director, Doug Brehm, and he has a group he runs with on the weekends that I tagged onto. Then, besides one walker we are the only two left that show up every weekend. Anyway, our tiny little group as been doing awesome!!! The people that do not show up are missing out.
Here is how my training has gone for the last week:
Saturday, May 16
4 mile run
Sunday, May 17
3.5 mile run
Monday, May 18
Day Off
Tuesday, May 19
3 mile run
Wednesday, May 20
2.5 hour bike ride (how long--I dont know but it was crazy!)
35 min. lift
Thursday, May 21
3.5 mile run
5 mile bike
Friday, May 22
.5 mile jog
lift: arms & abs
Saturday, May 23
7.8 mile run with some walking in there, so it was a little over 5 mi. run
Sunday, May 24
4 mile run
I am so incredible proud of my running! Next week, I am going for a 6 mile run on Saturday! Half marathon here I come!!! Oh, and I am going to look better then ever in a swimsuit this summer!!!!! WOOT
For Miss Kansas, I have an executive director, Doug Brehm, and he has a group he runs with on the weekends that I tagged onto. Then, besides one walker we are the only two left that show up every weekend. Anyway, our tiny little group as been doing awesome!!! The people that do not show up are missing out.
Here is how my training has gone for the last week:
Saturday, May 16
4 mile run
Sunday, May 17
3.5 mile run
Monday, May 18
Day Off
Tuesday, May 19
3 mile run
Wednesday, May 20
2.5 hour bike ride (how long--I dont know but it was crazy!)
35 min. lift
Thursday, May 21
3.5 mile run
5 mile bike
Friday, May 22
.5 mile jog
lift: arms & abs
Saturday, May 23
7.8 mile run with some walking in there, so it was a little over 5 mi. run
Sunday, May 24
4 mile run
I am so incredible proud of my running! Next week, I am going for a 6 mile run on Saturday! Half marathon here I come!!! Oh, and I am going to look better then ever in a swimsuit this summer!!!!! WOOT
Thursday, May 21, 2009
all your dirty things
I cleaned my makeup brushes for the first time EVER yesterday! I have had them for about a year and never washed them. I am not sure why--I guess I just never thought about it.
Anyway, that made me wondering how many things do we forget to wash or at least not as often as we should.
Yesterday, I read an article about how we should change or wash our sheets once a week because we shed dead skin cells on our sheets. I guess it can make you sick or somethings...just something to think about.
When I put my makeup on this morning, my face felt much cleaner!
Anyway, that made me wondering how many things do we forget to wash or at least not as often as we should.
Yesterday, I read an article about how we should change or wash our sheets once a week because we shed dead skin cells on our sheets. I guess it can make you sick or somethings...just something to think about.
When I put my makeup on this morning, my face felt much cleaner!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Grandfather
My mother's father died the summer after I graduated high school. I knew him much better. His name was Herman.
By the second half of my senior year of high school, I was drinking almost every single day. I had quit going to church a year earlier, my junior year, and was in the worst relationship I have been in to date. The last words my grandfather said to me were, "I love you. Do you love Christ?" This was one of the hardest moments in my entire life. Reason being, I had denounced Christianity, but I looked him in the eyes with tears rolling down my face and told him yes. I lied to my dying grandfather--this is one thing that sneaks up and haunts me every now and then. I couldn't bare to have him dissappointed in me during his last few moments of life. That evening I was the last one in the room. He fell into a coma. The next morming, my family sang him away with his favorite hymns as we watched him take his last breath.
This brings me to the question of faith, religion and spirituality. I have struggled with these concepts through my entire life, but especially the last five years. I have come into contact with many different people from different backgrounds in my young age and am still left with the ever-fruastrating questions of:
How was the earth created?
What is our purpose here?
Is there something greater than us?
Are we simply evolved? Is it just us out here in this universe?
Is there anyone out there?
Even if God exist, it still doesn't make sense to me. Why this game?
The questions and thoughts go on and on. Ever since I was a little girl, I would look up at the sky and be simply amazed at how big the world was. Where does all this come from? So confused about what life is for.
While my questions remain unanswered, I do still wonder about my grandfather's last words.
By the second half of my senior year of high school, I was drinking almost every single day. I had quit going to church a year earlier, my junior year, and was in the worst relationship I have been in to date. The last words my grandfather said to me were, "I love you. Do you love Christ?" This was one of the hardest moments in my entire life. Reason being, I had denounced Christianity, but I looked him in the eyes with tears rolling down my face and told him yes. I lied to my dying grandfather--this is one thing that sneaks up and haunts me every now and then. I couldn't bare to have him dissappointed in me during his last few moments of life. That evening I was the last one in the room. He fell into a coma. The next morming, my family sang him away with his favorite hymns as we watched him take his last breath.
This brings me to the question of faith, religion and spirituality. I have struggled with these concepts through my entire life, but especially the last five years. I have come into contact with many different people from different backgrounds in my young age and am still left with the ever-fruastrating questions of:
How was the earth created?
What is our purpose here?
Is there something greater than us?
Are we simply evolved? Is it just us out here in this universe?
Is there anyone out there?
Even if God exist, it still doesn't make sense to me. Why this game?
The questions and thoughts go on and on. Ever since I was a little girl, I would look up at the sky and be simply amazed at how big the world was. Where does all this come from? So confused about what life is for.
While my questions remain unanswered, I do still wonder about my grandfather's last words.
never drink milk before running
I have this goal for fall (August) to run a half marathon.
My executive director for Miss Kansas, Doug Brehm, runs full marathons and has helped me along my way in starting; however, I am still having a hard time getting out the door and actually doing it. I just need to run three times a week, two shorter runs and one longer run. The thing is, I hate running in cold, rain and indoors.
What has Kansas' weather been lately? COLD & RAINY!
Anyway, this morning it was not raining, just wet from earlier and it was about 50 degrees. Still a little too cold for me taste, but I went ahead and ran anyway. I ran 2 miles. I was hoping to run 3, but my fingers got cold. Now, even though I didn't get my 3 miles, I still got my butt out of my house and ran! WHOOP WHOOP!
Today, I am going to Emporia to sing the National Anthem for the ESU car show...I always get nervous singing the National Anthem because that is like the one song you don't want to screw up.
My executive director for Miss Kansas, Doug Brehm, runs full marathons and has helped me along my way in starting; however, I am still having a hard time getting out the door and actually doing it. I just need to run three times a week, two shorter runs and one longer run. The thing is, I hate running in cold, rain and indoors.
What has Kansas' weather been lately? COLD & RAINY!
Anyway, this morning it was not raining, just wet from earlier and it was about 50 degrees. Still a little too cold for me taste, but I went ahead and ran anyway. I ran 2 miles. I was hoping to run 3, but my fingers got cold. Now, even though I didn't get my 3 miles, I still got my butt out of my house and ran! WHOOP WHOOP!
Today, I am going to Emporia to sing the National Anthem for the ESU car show...I always get nervous singing the National Anthem because that is like the one song you don't want to screw up.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I found this on facebook...good luck getting through it!
First thing you wash in the shower?my faceWhat color is your favorite hoodie?blackWould you kiss the last person you kissed again?of course!Do you plan outfits?I kind of have to right nowHow are you feeling RIGHT now?just fineWhat is the closest thing to you that's red?the couch I am sitting onTell me about the last dream you remember having?I dreamt about a house that I am looking at living in two months from nowDid you meet anybody new today?yes, I meet many new people everydayWhat are you craving right now?sleepDo you floss?sometimesWhat comes to mind when I say cabbage?purple…Are you emotional?yes, I am a woman!Have you ever counted to 1,000?not sure…Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?lickDo you like your hair?Love it!Do you like yourself?yesWould you go out to eat with George Bush?noWhat are you listening to right now?Sigur RosWould you go sky diving?yes…maybeDo you like cottage cheese?ummm…I am trying to because I know it is so good for youHave you ever met a celebrity?yesIs there anything sparkly in the room you're in?no Have you made a prank phone call?yesEver been on a train?YesBrown or white eggs?doesn’t matterDo you have a cell-phone?yes, two fro nowDo you use chapstick?every morningDo you own a gun?noCan you use chop sticks?yes and I must say that I love Vietnamese food!Who are you going to be with tonight?my boyfriend and many othersAre you too forgiving?I think it depends on which time in my life you look at. I have been too fogiving and I have been not forgiving enough.Ever been in love?YES!What is your best friend doing tomorrow?studyingEver have cream puffs?oh my yes!Last time you cried?talking about my pastWhat was the last question you asked?What do you have against gay marriage?Favorite time of the year?springDo you have any tattoos?no but I can’t say that will ring true too much longerAre you sarcastic?somewhatHave you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?yesEver walked into a wall?of course!Favorite color?green or blue or brown or…too many colors!Have you ever slapped someone? ---in the face?ummm……yes I have an enormous little brother and I accidently made his nose bleed at Christmas this year. We were just having fun, though.Is your hair curly?no way!What was the last CD you bought?In Rainbows By RadioheadDo looks matter?Nope—don’t believe me…check out my boyfriend. I’m joking!!! I think he is just absolutely adorable.Could you ever forgive a cheater? I think it is situational…depends on why and what the deeper issues are. I think in many cases that cheating is just an outward sign of other big problems.Is your phone bill sky high?noDo you like your life right now?yes I doDo you sleep with the TV on?No way! I think that is creepy.Can you handle the truth?AbsolutelyDo you have good vision?NopeDo you hate or dislike more than 3 people?I do not hate anyone, at least I really work not to; however, I do not get a long with a lot more than 3 people. Le’ts be honest here, different types of personality create conflict. I am working, though, to love all equally. I know it is a long shot, but why not try?!How often do you talk on the phone?Depends on how busy I am…it can be not at all one day and then a couple hours the next….just dependsWhat are you wearing?Sweats—it’s one of those afternoons. Unfortunately the morning and night of today were not quite as fortunateWhat is your favorite animal?Dogs—I know them bestWhere was your default picture taken at?Long Beach, CA on a reality show, Miss America: Countdown to the CrownCan you hula hoop?Yes but poorlyHave you ever crawled through a window?Yes, sneaking out of my parents house.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Pleasure of My Company
I just started reading Steve Martin's book The Pleasure of My Company.
Now, I am only to page 5, but I just had to stop to say that I think this book is going to rock! So far, it is a great read. :)
Now, I am only to page 5, but I just had to stop to say that I think this book is going to rock! So far, it is a great read. :)
ADHD
Well, I have decided to begin my own personal blog now, with just under two months to go with Miss Kansas. The reason I have waited is I have a lot of things I want to talk about that just may not be appropriate as Miss Kansas, so for now I will discuss a few other things and we will see how they go...
The reason this blog is titled "ADHD" is because that is me in a nut shell and that is what this blog will be like. I just need somewhere I can go to just vent and unleash the things in my head. So, bare with me if you dare.
I will probably do this through the entire blog, but I have more to say right now but not enough time to post, so I am just going to post this and post more later when I have time...I don't even know what that means! :)
Till next time..peace and love...pass it on
The reason this blog is titled "ADHD" is because that is me in a nut shell and that is what this blog will be like. I just need somewhere I can go to just vent and unleash the things in my head. So, bare with me if you dare.
I will probably do this through the entire blog, but I have more to say right now but not enough time to post, so I am just going to post this and post more later when I have time...I don't even know what that means! :)
Till next time..peace and love...pass it on
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
